Dear Abby: “Rita” and I have been together three years and are getting ready to make the final commitment of marriage. My problem is that she’s a slob. Rita isn’t a “hoarder,” but she does things like take the plastic off a package and drop it on the floor.
I love her and would be willing to have separate bathrooms if that’s what it takes. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a house that looks the way hers does right now. The thought of raising kids in that kind of atmosphere chills me.
Have you any ideas about what I can do to keep our relationship – and hopefully our future – intact? – WHATEVER RITA WANTS
Dear Whatever: It appears your girlfriend wants to continue living exactly the way she is. Because she becomes defensive at the suggestion that she make a better effort, accept that you are not going to change her.
She obviously has many good qualities or your relationship would not have made it this far.
There is help for people who are disorganized and sloppy, but only if they are willing to accept that they need it. Some people have successfully used a system originated by Marla Cilley, aka the FlyLady. (”Fly” stands for “Finally Loving Yourself.”) To find out more about her system, visit www.flylady.net and click on “Get Started.”
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DEAR ABBY: I’m stuck in a dead-end job that doesn’t pay much money, so I have to rely on help from my parents. I’d like to return to school for my master’s, but a lack of funds and mild depression keep pulling me back.
I told my mother about how I have been feeling, hoping for reassurance – just a general, “Everything is going to get better.” This is a woman who has longed for me to get married and have children, which I thought was no different than most mothers. I now realize I was wrong. Her motivation speech was: “You have always been beautiful and I want you to see it. Don’t you know that you’re good enough to become a rich man’s wife?”