Mt. Vernon Register-News

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November 1, 2013

Mom is center of war between boyfriend, son

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced five years and have five children, ranging in age from 23 to 8. When I was having trouble with my middle son, “Logan,” I found help from his godfather, “Carl.” I hadn’t seen Carl in years. He was my ex’s best friend when Logan was born.

Long story short, Carl and I have been in a committed relationship for two years now. He has been more a part of our lives than my ex has. Four of my kids love Carl, and he is very involved in their lives. Logan, however, hates him and throws a fit if his name is mentioned. Carl is still there for Logan in every way he was before, but my son feels like I have “taken his godfather away from him.” I don’t know what I should do. Please help me. — PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS IN CANADA

DEAR PULLED: Logan may be 17, but he is acting like a child. Do not let his behavior discourage you from having a life. In another year he will be 18 -- and either concentrating on finishing his education or finding a job.

Logan needs to realize that he hasn’t “lost” a godfather, and that everyone may eventually be gaining a stepdad. He also needs to understand that if he can’t accept it, he will find himself odd man out in an otherwise healthy, happy and functional family.

** ** **

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years, “Todd,” is a daily pot smoker. We met during our senior year of college, and I knew he smoked. I don’t use drugs, and I assumed that after college he would grow up. However, it seems unlikely that he will quit, and frankly, I’m sick of it.

I have asked Todd for the last four years to please stop, but he hasn’t. He keeps saying he will, but I don’t know how much longer I want to wait. I know it’s unfair to expect to change someone, but I would not be comfortable getting engaged or married to Todd if he’s still getting stoned. I love him. Should I give it more time or move on? -- PATIENT GIRLFRIEND IN SAN DIEGO

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