Mt. Vernon Register-News

Opinion

February 8, 2014

Potluck dinner, minus the luck

(Continued)

When you think about it, there’s really no good answer when a guest asks you if you got violently ill after your meal together. If you say “yes,” you’re admitting that you poisoned a guest. If you say “no,” they may think you did get sick, and just don’t want everyone to know.

We tried to remember if we all ate exactly the same things that night, and were pretty sure that we did. When I volunteered to drive him, he said, “Thanks, you’ve done enough.” What does that mean? He was probably thinking, “Why should I give that clown another chance to kill me?” I’ve always heard that “No good deed goes unpunished,” but I never quite knew what it meant until today.

John left the hospital this morning after three days of observation. It was not food poisoning; it was something totally unrelated to dinner at our house. Still, we all know how these kinds of stories can get twisted around. By the middle of next week, it’ll be all over town that we tried to kill him and that he barely escaped with his life. And his next-door neighbor is a lawyer. Who hasn’t been to a restaurant and accidently asked for an “evidence bag” when you meant to say “doggie bag”? I had eaten the last of the cherry pie while John was in the hospital, proving that it was blameless. And delicious. But I could see how a clever attorney might accuse me of destroying evidence.

But actually, I told him, he should be thanking me. What if this had happened while we were on our cruise? We could have been out at sea when this hit, two days away from the nearest port. He didn’t buy it. If he catches the latest norovirus on our cruise, will that somehow end up being my fault? Instead of the guy who was coughing up a lung behind him on the flight down to the departure port?

Contact Jim Mullen at JimMullenBooks.com.

Text Only
Opinion
  • Why Obama shouldn't go to Ferguson On Monday, ABC’s Ann Compton asked President Barack Obama whether he would visit Ferguson, Missouri, amid the continued unrest. Obama didn’t give a firm answer, but he did suggest it’s probably not a good idea.“When they’re conducting an investigatio

    August 20, 2014

  • Food stamps' $80B secret spending program Imagine a government program that has exploded in size, is the subject of bitter partisan haggling and spends almost $80 billion a year in secret.No, not the National Security Agency, the Central Intelligence Agency or the Department of Homeland Secu

    August 20, 2014

  • Vouchers provide greater choice I was chatting the other day with a fellow who, along with his wife, homeschool his children. We joked about the stereotype: Moms in denim skirts.But then he expounded on the benefits his youngsters have derived from being taught at home: a customize

    August 20, 2014

  • A rare experience Alexandra Petri’s editorial, “What exactly are we seeing in Ferguson” is well written and did something which has increasingly become a rare experience for me. Her article caused me to think!Petri makes the case for media coverage of American events,

    August 19, 2014

  • Naive? Simple? I will admit outright that I may be a little naïve and tend to look at things through a simple prism. I received a suggestion for a column with an accompanying article written by By Reed Abelson and Eric Lichtblau concerning the failure of our govern

    August 19, 2014

  • Don't pass 'coup clause' with a security waiver It is a sad reality that national security waivers often render human rights laws moot, inviting the government to overuse the loophole to accommodate immediate needs. The “coup clause,” which mandates foreign aid suspension to countries after a mili

    August 19, 2014

  • Clinton could end up like Gore Although we’re all still sort of pretending that it remains to be seen whether Hillary Clinton will run for president in 2016, she recently gave the most definitive confirmation she has to date of her impending candidacy. No, she didn’t say the words

    August 16, 2014

  • Guru will work for food ‘At the height of its power, the photography company Kodak employed more than 140,000 people and was worth $28 billion dollars. They even invented the first digital camera. But today Kodak is bankrupt, and the new face of digital photography has beco

    August 16, 2014

  • Ferguson police fumbled protests From the chief of the police department to the president of the United States, government officials on Thursday promised a different approach to the racially-charged unrest in the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson. But the situation demands a lot more tha

    August 16, 2014

  • A better tax code solution: taxing consumption According to much conventional wisdom, the flap over corporate “tax inversions” is just the latest evidence that the tax code needs a comprehensive overhaul like the one agreed to by congressional leaders and President Reagan in 1986.Whether you cons

    August 15, 2014

Twitter Updates
Facebook
Stocks