Mt. Vernon Register-News

Opinion

March 15, 2014

Do men get womenopause?

“You’ve got all the symptoms,” Sue said.

“The symptoms of what?

“MFS.”

“MFS? I feel fine.”

“Sure, now you do, but when I asked you to vacuum the living room, you said you were too tired. When I asked you to take out the garbage you said, ‘Later.’ Then you sat at the kitchen table and watched me load the dishwasher as if there was some huge weight on your shoulders preventing you from getting up and helping me. Then Willie calls and says ‘Let’s play golf,’ and you couldn’t jump up fast enough.

“It’s classic MFS. You whine and moan about having to mow the lawn with your bad back, but it suddenly clears up when you want to go bowling. You make up excuses to get out of little household chores, yet you’ve got plenty of energy to work on your car, and plenty of get-up-and-go when it’s time to go drinking with your friends. When I’m dead tired, you’re up and ready to go. Of course you are. I’ve done all the work.”

“What has that got to do with MFS? I’ve never heard of it.”

“That’s funny, all women know about MFS — Male Fatigue Syndrome. It’s a disease that strikes nine out of 10 husbands, and there is only one known cure.”

“What is that?”

“Constant and endless nagging.”

“How come women have heard of it and men haven’t?”

“Because most often, it occurs in men who also suffer from Male Hearing Disorder, or MHD. It seems they can hear some things some of the time, but not all things all of the time. They can hear ‘Dinner’s ready,’ but they can’t hear ‘Don’t throw your clothes in a big heap on the bedroom floor.’ They can hear football games on television, but they can’t hear ‘Put the toilet seat down.’ In severe cases of MHD, women have to start almost every sentence with the words ‘How many times do I have to tell you ...’”

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