“I’m sorry,” I said, “did you say something?”
“A perfect example of MSCC, a dreaded but common disease known as Male Selective Concentration Collapse. No known cure. For some reason, it strikes only men — men in their prime, men who could have lived happily together with their wives till the end of their days, but instead became annoying and boring within weeks of contracting MSCC. Most men who get it become unhappy, divorced, jobless winos who wander the streets rummaging through garbage cans and begging for food. I’d have that checked out if I were you. Diagnosed early, I could live a longer and happier life.”
“Does practicing medicine without a license ever bother you? Don’t you ever feel like you’re taking a job away from a real quack?”
“That’s the kind of delusional reaction one expects from someone suffering from WWMC — What? Who, Me? Convulsions.”
“Who? Me!?! I’d love to stay and hear more about these fascinating medical non-breakthroughs, but I just remembered I promised Dave I’d help him move. His wife kicked him out of the house last night for no reason at all. She just snapped. She walked into the living room while he was watching hockey and put “Beaches” into the VCR without saying a word! She took the remote and threw it right out the front door. Honest, the only thing he said to her was, ‘I’m sure glad men don’t go through menopause.’ That’s when it hit the fan.
“Can you believe it? He just got back from a two-week hunting trip and brought her home 300 pounds of elk meat to butcher, and she’s complaining because he won’t fix the roof leak in her sewing room. She wouldn’t even let him relax for a month or two. What can I tell you? You just can’t make some women happy.”
(Contact Jim Mullen at JimMullenBooks.com.)